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  • Writer's pictureChristina Ritchie

Self-Love and Unconditional Love

Female Indian Deity
Embodying Self-Love

Self-Love Vs Unconditional Love

Being a twin flame is certainly an amazing learning journey; Life is a learning journey, and as a twin flame we are thrust into the need to understand this specific journey for the purpose of spiritual ascension. Twin Flames, this post is for you, but it is also for everyone, we are not separate on the ascension path.


The ascension path and the twin flame journey are learning journeys, they are healing journeys, teaching us every step of the way, about unconditional love and what that truly means, teaching us self-love and what that truly means. They are deeply connected with each other and are especially brought to the fore with twin flames as they reflect back to each other the areas in which they both need to heal and grow.


But what comes first, unconditional love, or self-love?

On the spiritual journey self-love is what should come first because then you have the strength to fully embody the quality of unconditional love. I don’t feel this means you are not able to be unconditional before you fully embody self-love, but I do feel that without self-love you are liable to be too unconditional and in a sense harm yourself in the process. I’m a living testament to that! 


Many people are naturally a generous and compassionate spirit, and this allows them to love others without conditions. However, without a strong foundation of self-love, this unconditional love can sometimes lead to a lack of boundaries, where we might give too much, often at the expense of our own well-being.


If you are an unconditionally loving person without self-love, you are likely to prioritise other people's needs above your own to an unhealthy degree. You might overlook or excuse behaviours that are not respectful towards you and you might also be co-dependent where your emotional state is too tied to the well-being of your twin flame or others.


I’m still learning self-love and only just starting to understand what it really is. That might seem a bit odd for someone my age, but I’m sure I’m not the only one out there.


Unconditional love comes naturally for me, but putting myself first has not come naturally. 


I have had a lot of “teachers” trying to teach me in my life and I guess you could say, I am, or have been a slow learner. From relationships to my children, to friends, all now carrying the title of teacher. Some of them gave up and failed me as the too hard basket and so I would need a harder task master. 


Now I see self-love for what it is, but it has taken a lot of hard lessons to get there. I now see self-love as the balancing force, that ensures that our unconditional love is not only directed outward but also inward. It’s about loving ourselves enough to know when to say no, when to step back, and when to prioritise our own growth and healing. 


Self-love is like a layer of protection that ensures your unconditional love is sustainable and not depleting you in any way.


drawing of man and woman loving each other
Expression of unconditional love

Twin Flames must learn self-love, and your twin flame will step up to be your teacher if you are not getting it. They will become the demon you need, exactly when you need it. This is also an act of unconditional love in disguise. To be the one who steps up to be the demon just so you can learn your lesson, is pretty damn rotten when you think about it. Someone who is acting out for you to learn your lessons, is also suffering inside. On some level they know, you just aren’t getting it and so you need a lesson big enough for you to make that choice. 


I’ve had this lesson recently and it’s not the first time. I was in a relationship previously where I just wasn’t getting it, and my soul mate at the time, who mimicked a twin flame, just kept getting worse and worse until I finally broke away. But I did not get the lesson, not fully. Then in steps the master himself. The teacher of all teachers, to teach me once and for all. This time, I have to get it, and part of me writing about this is playing a big part in me “getting the lesson” and making it the “once and for all”.


If we can learn self-love, it will enhance our ability to bring unconditional love to the world and that as you probably already know, is the biggest gift that twin flames bring to humanity. But you have to have learned it first of course! 


Self-love makes unconditional love a healthier expression all round.

To embody self-love, you have to know yourself and accept yourself fully, recognising all your strengths and weaknesses. You have to journey within, and the twin flame will force you to do just that. If you don’t get it early on, the lessons will get harder. Hello! I’m talking to myself here! 


How can unconditional love for others flourish if you haven’t given it to yourself?

When you fully embody the quality of self-love, you will have self-mastery and inner harmony. You must have this within first before you can come into harmony with your twin flame. Even if you are in physical union with your twin flame, I have seen in the work that I do, that many twin flames still do not have harmony and in fact they can be living together but they don’t have full spiritual union. I only know this because I can see it energetically in my work, it’s something I have developed in me along the way. 


When you have inner harmony, you will also reflect that out into the world creating a harmonious environment around you. That is ascension on the Fourth Ray Path — finding harmony through the chaos.


someone holding a spiritual expression of inner harmony
Embodying inner harmony

There are times when we are fully in that quality of self-love, fully expressing inner harmony and reflecting it out into the world, and it overflows to others, including your twin flame and you do not lose yourself in the process. Whereas having unconditional love without self-love, you can lose yourself. It’s an ongoing journey throughout our lives, we learn and grow, learn and grow, always going to another level with it. We don’t “arrive” and have no more lessons; This is mastery, the tests will always be there, but we must come to that place within ourselves that we can maintain equilibrium within so we can handle the tests when they do arrive.



We need strong boundaries, we need Self-Love!


Is Your Twin Flame a Narcissist?

twin flames mirroring each other
Is your twin flame a narcissist

My last post was called “Is your Twin Flame a Narcissist?” This post is leading on from that. Learning self-love and embodying that quality helps you to create a space of emotional balance and stability, which is essential for dealing with the biggest of challenges, including those that come with a twin flame who expresses narcissistic behavioural patterns.


Unconditional love is a love that is given freely while accepting someone, including your twin flame, warts and all, because this too is part of their spiritual journey. However, it doesn’t mean we should tolerate abuse or harmful behaviour, it means seeing the soul beyond the human condition and understanding that their journey is also part of the divine plan.


In the situation where one twin is “appearing” to not yet be spiritually evolved, and where they may be acting as if they are “out of alignment” with love, we do need to protect our own energy and well-being by utilising the quality of self-love. Step back, remove yourself from the situation and put yourself first. Love from a distance when you need to and remove yourself from the toxicity.


Setting boundaries and not compromising your values brings balance between self-love and unconditional love. Knowing this and putting it into action, however, can sometimes be the challenge and that simply means you are still learning the quality of self-love and you have not fully embodied it yet.


Trust in the process of the universe as you take a step back and remove yourself from the situation and know that the divine has got this sorted for you. You just need to take care of you and let go and let God, even if your paths seem to be going in opposite directions.

To be complete within ourselves, we must embody the quality of self-love, and unconditional love will come naturally after that and more fully. 


It is not your responsibility to walk the path for your twin flame. Your twin flame chose his/her path and who knows, maybe they chose it so you could be the one to learn self-love.

When I finished writing this post, I felt a gentle tingling energy moving across my head. I know this is angelic support around me, letting me know that I am finally “getting it”. Writing is a great way to get answers. When I write I just write, I don’t pre-plan, it is just something that comes to me in the moment, and I know I need to write. Writing helps me to heal and to learn. I hope you receive something from my writing too. 


I thank my spiritual support network, for guiding me to find answers not only for myself, but so I can be in service to others. 

If you are interested check out my Twin Flame Analysis.

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