In the journey of twin flames, we are always hearing about the runner-chaser dynamic and how to "fix" the runner from running. I often have clients ask me how they can bring their twin flame back or spend more quality time with them.
The so called "runner" is the one who tends to distance themselves, usually because they still have too many unhealed emotional wounds. The other one, the "chaser" is always trying to close the gap because they have a fear of abandonment or rejection. This dynamic is a profound call for inner work and spiritual growth.
Understanding the Runner Chaser Dynamic
It's not really even about the chase, nor the fleeing but more about confronting and healing the deepest parts of ourselves. Both dynamics have something to heal, it's not all the runner's fault. Both sides have unresolved issues and recognising this can shift the focus from the pain of separation to their own personal spiritual development towards healing and finding a greater understanding of themselves.
The runner chaser dynamic emphasises the need for both twins to focus on their own spiritual and emotional healing. Only when each twin has achieved a certain level of growth and healing and inner harmony, can they truly unite in a harmonious relationship. Therefore, the separation phase is very necessary for healing and spiritual growth, leading eventually to a more profoundly stable union. In this instance twin flames need to go in opposite directions and take time to heal, in order to turn back to each other in harmony.
Ways toward Healing
Practicing Self-Love to heal any insecurities and building strong boundaries to maintain emotional well-being should be your aim. Focus on your own spiritual growth, healing and ascension rather than focusing on your twin flame’s actions and seek out help from others who understand the journey. There are good readers or healers who specialise in twin flames to help you understand the dynamic. That's what I am passionate about so you can check below for a list of services that I offer that might help you.
What is Self-Love
Self-Love is about having enough regard for your own well-being and happiness. If you love your twin flame so much, you should also love yourself equally. You have to appreciate yourself first and believe in your own worth, know that you deserve to be respected and treated as such. Self-love means accepting yourself fully, treating yourself with kindness and respect, and nurturing your spiritual growth and well-being. It’s about being compassionate towards yourself and recognising that you deserve the same care and attention that you give to others.
Self-love is about being willing to walk away from situations where you are not receiving love and respect, even if it is your twin flame. Do not put up with things just because it is your twin flame. Don't make excuses for them, walk away as you would in any situation but continue to hold the love, just give them time to heal and focus on your own healing; that is self-love and self-preservation. Forgive yourself for your own mistakes, but don't sacrifice yourself for others and don't let yourself be taken advantage of. If you allow that, then it is a co-dependent relationship that will continue in the same way and maybe even get worse until you learn "your" lesson. Twin flames cannot have co-dependency. You must break that cycle of co-dependence. Your own happiness is worth far more than any twin flame connection. You can work on your twin flame connection while in separation and sometimes it is the only way to do it. Focus on your strengths and see that whatever is appearing as a weakness within you, is in fact a strength. Turn it around and activate the weakness into your strength, you can do it!
Value your own feelings and make healthy choices in life. If you can remind yourself of these concepts regularly, you will begin to say no to what's not good for you and yes to more of what is good for you. Remind yourself by asking yourself this question: "is this serving my highest path"?
Self-love is not selfishness or narcissism, it's the healthy way to be, to accept and appreciate yourself enabling greater growth both personally and spiritually.
Breaking Free from the Runner-Chaser Dynamic
Work on breaking free from the runner-chaser dynamic by taking practical steps towards healing and achieving inner balance. This is vital in a twin flame connection but is also easier said than done. Self-reflection helps you to understand your own emotional triggers by addressing and focusing on healing your own emotional wounds. It's a two-way healing journey for both the runner and the chaser. You are mirrors of each other, helping each other to heal by focusing on your own healing journey. As you heal yourself, your twin flame also heals. In fact, it powers the healing journey.
Many Twins focus on what the runner needs to heal and don't address their own wounds. This becomes a powerful energy force that pushes the runner further away.
You have to practice the art of surrender and let go of the need to control the outcome of your twin flame journey. Instead, be in love with the love, and focus on that, not the person and do things that make you happy. You have to shift your mind away from your twin flame and on to your purpose and own healing journey.
The Twin Flame Separation Phase
The twin flame runner-chaser dynamic is a crazy and yet powerful opportunity for growth, healing, and finding inner balance. Finding inner harmony should be your first priority and if you are still triggered by your twin flames actions then it is your own inner world that needs balancing. If your inner world is balanced and your twin is running, then you will be ok with them taking time out for separation and you will have achieved the quality of surrender, fully trusting in the Divine forces to bring you back together once all healing has been achieved. Don't wait because it could take a lifetime.
If the chaser continues to chase, what you create is a dynamic where you will be running from each other because if the runner comes back and brings his wounds with him, you may indeed decide to run yourself. Just get on with your own life focusing on the spiritual path and always try to climb higher in consciousness.
Twin Flame Intensity
Imagine a wildfire running along two sides of a road. Same path but the flames are intense and the more intense the flames grow the more they ignite each other. Their intensity could destroy. If your flames are getting too intense, take time out and find harmony within, let your embers settle and journey into oneness like glowing embers, not a raging wildfire. If the love of twin flames is so intense it can heal the world, imagine how catastrophic the unhealed dynamic of the twin flame can be for those around them.
Shift your Focus
The twin flame dynamic is really all about shifting our focus away from those outside of ourselves and back towards ourselves and our spiritual path. It's about choosing God not the relationship. When both twin flames are fully healed, they will gravitate back to each other. However, one twin may be too wounded to be able to heal in this life, and if that is the case, it is holding the healed twin back. It is not the purpose of twin flames to put their own life on hold in order to wait for their twin flame. The healed twin should continue to move forward. I read a book once many years ago by Claire Heartsong. In that book she described how Lady Portia who is the twin flame of Saint Germain, knew he was not yet ready, so she continued on by herself with her ascension.
Swapping Roles
In the twin flame journey, the roles of runner and chaser can indeed be fluid, and a switch in roles is possible if the dynamics between the twins change. After reaching what seems like a full union, if one partner (previously the chaser) starts to experience toxicity or imbalance in the relationship, they might take on the runner’s role. This can happen as a self-preservation response to protect their well-being and continue their personal growth.
It’s important to remember that the twin flame connection is all about the evolution and healing of both individuals into a higher consciousness for the purpose of helping humanity rise in consciousness. If toxicity is present within the connection, it indicates that there is still inner work to be done by both partners. The focus should always be on healing, personal spiritual growth, and striving for a harmonious and healthy relationship. However, unlike a soul mate relationship, it is generally not something you can just sit down and talk about to resolve it. In a twin flame dynamic, it takes separation phases to give time and space to heal and grow because this is a journey into mastery, and mastery is attained by understanding the inner world, not by what others can outwardly teach us. Twin flames can make each other sick if they do not take separation phases to heal the toxic wounds between them.
Retreating or Blocking
If you’re dealing with a situation where the dynamic has shifted and you find yourself in the runner’s position due to toxicity, it might be a good idea to set strong boundaries and do not compromise on your values. Retreat into meditation and healing as well if you need it yourself, but it might just be a matter of you retreating for a while. If you have to block your twin flame for your own sanity, do so, because sometimes this is the only way you can separate the energies from interfering with your energetic space. You have to take control wherever you can and build strong boundaries so you can be in a nurturing space for your own inner journey. Before you block them, be open and honest and communicate to your twin about why you are taking such actions.
How do you know if the Runner Phase is Ending
Knowing when the runner phase is ending and when reunion will take place is about learning to listen to the signs and to your intuition. You will begin to have dreams, and messages will come to you in some way when the runner has reached a certain degree of healing. Possibly you will get songs in your head or in your sleep and dreams that tell you exactly where your twin flame is at. When this starts, have patience, know that the phase is ending, that they have completed a phase of healing and now is when you can open the path to communication again, but don't reach out. When the chaser reaches out it pushes the runner away again. Have patience and wait for them. Open the doors to be reached and let it unfold. If you can't open the doors, if you have lost contact altogether, then trust in the Universe, because twin flames must reunite when harmony and healing has taken place and when the time is right, the Universe will pull the strings to make it happen, just sit back and relax!
Of course, all situations are different so there is no one way to deal with it. But the most important thing is that when healing needs to take place, separation needs to be implemented. That might mean a few hours to a few months or in some situations it takes years. Everyone is on their own healing journey and the twin flame dynamic is different for everyone. Take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being and remember, what matters most is the love and respect you have for yourself and your twin flame. Sometimes the best form of love you can show your twin, is to give them space to heal.
Focus on you, focus on self-love and let the journey of finding inner harmony unfold for both of you in your own time. This journey is not just about reuniting with your twin flame but also about becoming whole within yourself.
Twin Flame Analysis
If you would like to know where you are at on your twin flame journey and the degree of union and harmony you have achieved not just with your twin flame, but in your own inner world then choose a Twin Flame Analysis.
I was divinely guided on how to do to those on the twin flame journey. they are also helpful for soul mates or any other relationship dynamic, because they help you to understand the dynamic and the compatibility between couples, families and friends.